TBA

In Democracy Matters, Cornel West writes that our government has devolved into a plutocracy that is eating away at our democratic principles and ideals. Left in its wake is a creeping nihilism that renders us uncaring or hopeless about America and our lives.
We agree with West, and would also argue that the Plutocrats depend for much of their influence on a powerful message of mass conformity, ignorance, and unexamined same-ness. This message goes right to the heart of American identity and broadly manifests itself, from the attempt to re-establish school prayer (and a quasi-Christian ethos in general), to suburban sprawl, and the Wal-Martization of our communities.
We are duped by our Democrat and Republican leaders, who have become self-parodies or automatons just acting out great business transactions. The two parties, with their parasitic focus groups, lobbyists, and pollsters, have corporatized the political process so that ordinary Americans are systematically excluded. We are represented by uninspired sycophants who spout bland, non-committal party platforms, totally beholden to their millionaire campaign contributors. The only way for us to influence these Plutocrats is to give them money.
Even the news is commodified and branded. The "War on Terror"* is just a brand name. So is "9/11." Both have become conceptual products, marketed and sold by the President and his administration. They use them to promote fear and hatred among us, and then tout themselves and their deeds as our salvation. And the media, who crave entertainment relevance, would rather sensationalize or titillate us than provide reasoned, un-biased news coverage.
The President, the "Leader of the Free World," along with Vice President Dick Cheney are the most ardent of the Plutocrats. They are both so inextricably linked to oil and defense contracting businesses that they might as well have been chosen to lead by board-room fiat. Their policies have consistently benefited both of these gigantic industries, who, for their part, donated huge sums of money to the Bush presidential campaign.
The President himself is a rube of the first magnitude, with his anti-intellectual habit of mind, his hypocritical moral authority, and his sneering, snickering, and smirking. The recent revelations of criminal and Un-American activities in his administration are merely icing on the cake.
When they falsified the intelligence that led to war in Iraq; when they re-classified people as "Unlawful Enemy Combatants" so they could imprison them forever without legal recourse; and then when they countenanced the abuse and dehumanization of these "detainees" in U.S.-run prisons; when they set up a world-wide secret "rendition" (kidnapping) program that also has torture at its heart; and when they set up an unconstitutional surveillance program right here in America, they put their radical right-wing political theories before the liberty of the citizens.
And every time they say they are doing it all in the name of fighting terror and spreading democracy, they employ an unapologetic Orwellian artistry that makes our head spin. We should all do what we can in our own lives to oppose their ideas.
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*Terror is a feeling. Waging war on feelings makes Don Quixote's attack against the windmills seem perfectly sane. Then again, feelings are what "play" best with focus groups. What is next, The War on Embarrassment?

Readers of this week's posting will be interested to see the attached email we received from Kimberly M. of Chick-fil-A[sic] in response to our query (also attached) regarding their intentionally misspelled name.
________________________________
Dear Mr. Dwow:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Chick-fil-A CARES. Our
customers are very important to us, and we appreciate their comments,
questions, and suggestions.

We appreciate your feedback and comments concerning the misspelling of
the word "filet" in Chick-fil-A's name. I hope you'll find the
following information helpful.

The word "Fillet" actually means a narrow strip of ribbon or similar
material, often worn as a headband. The word "Filet" is a strip or
compact piece of boneless meat or fish.

[Note: according to the dictionary 'filet' and 'fillet' are variants and therefore interchangeable--HD]

In the early sixties, our founder, S. Truett Cathy, came up with the
name for his new chicken sandwich while driving one day. "I took the
words "chick" and "filet" and hit upon the name "Chick-fil-A". "I
especially liked the "A" at the end. It reminded me of top quality, sanitary
conditions, and excellent service", explained Mr. Cathy.

If you are interested in learning more about the history of
Chick-fil-A, Mr. Cathy has just written a book called Eat Mor Chikin: Inspire More
People that is available from our corporate office. They are $15.00
each. We will take care of postage. Make a check out to Chick-fil-A,
Inc. and send to the attention of:

Martha Lawrence
Chick-fil-A, Inc.
5200 Buffington Rd.
Atlanta, GA. 30349-2998

We thank you again for your time and interest and look forward to
seeing you in one of our local Chick-fil-A restaurants soon. Do not
hesitate to let us at Chick-fil-A CARES know should you need our assistance
again.

Sincerely,

Kimberly M.
Chick-fil-A CARES
Chick-fil-A...We Didn't Invent The Chicken,
Just The Chicken Sandwich.
On the Web at www.chick-fil-a.com

P.S. Please retain your Thread ID in the message body. This will help
us locate your information should you need us again.

[THREAD ID:1-EMLXTP]

-----Original Message-----

From: hoytdwow@yahoo.com
Sent: 1/20/2006 01:55:40 PM
To: "Chick-fil-A Cares"
Subject: Chick-fil-A Web Form Message

I've never eaten at one of your establishments (they are not in my area). But I was wondering if you were aware that the word 'Fillet' is misspelled in your name. I think it is dangerous when businesses intentionally misspell things in their names.
You should be more responsible!
Sincerely,
Hoyt Dwow
______________________________
Kudos to Chick-fil-A[sic] for addressing our question. Even if they did not really answer it. We are still unenlightened as to why Mr. Cathy chose to both misspell a word and use odd typography in his business name. Chick Filet or Chicken Fillet Sandwich sounds just as delicious, sanitary, and well-served to us.
And, if Mr. Cathy truly believed in his nomenclature, should he not have titled his book "Eat Mor Chikin: Inspire Mor Peepul"?
[Sic]. Sigh.

# posted by Hoyt Dwow @ 3:52 PM 0 comments

Few things set the TBA gears a-grinding more than when companies put something on the market with intentionally misspelled words in the name. Variants on this poor usage abound, but it usually seems to involve using ‘z’ when proper spelling calls for ‘s’. There are endless numbers of Cheez-based products, for example. But there are also many things that are Kleen, or Brite, or, Kleen Brite, or, For the Love of Pete, Brite Kleen. Xtra-this, Xtreme-that. Come to think of it, the bestowing of superlative "Extreme" status on this or that product probably warrants its own TBA entry. To say nothing of Gatorade Xtremo.
There are also many products that seem to be misspelled, but are in fact merely made-up words. For example, the pain reliever Aleve. Aleve is not a word; alleviate is. Many automobile names fall into this category--but we will not address this phenomenon here. Puns are also beyond our scope: Everyone knows about School Daze. Pharmacies and office supply stores roll out this advertising war horse every Fall. But we do take exception when they enter Skool Daze territory.
Readers may remember All Things Chipotle*, where we linked to the Chipotle Grilled Stuft Burrito from Taco Bell. This unleavened monstrosity continues to stir up a fuss. Why is the word 'stuffed' misspelled? Is the burrito stuffed, or what? Is a "Stuft" condition empirically different than one of being 'Stuffed?' Is this Taco Bell's opening salvo in what will be a wider linguistic war of phonetic liberation? Can people not pronounce 'stuffed?' Is Taco Bell worried that people will place the accent on the second syllable (stufféd), as if it were not fast food, but the muse of some mopey Elizabethan? And why "Stuft"? What if instead the thing was Grild, or even Grilt? What if it was a Buritto?**
Maybe if people started inserting the editorial identifier [sic] whenever writing the names of these things, it would so confuse and enrage the companies that they would start spelling things correctly.
And, finally, Witness the fast food chain Chick-fil-A [sic]. Now, we don't have these establishments up in our neck of the woods, but we have seen their billboards during our travels throughout the land. Their primary advertising*** involves comical drawings of mischievous cows scrawling graffiti on barn doors that says "Eat Mor Chikin" [sic]. Now, we actually like the ads and think they are funny. After all, cows cannot be expected to spell correctly. Note that they do not misspell 'Eat!' Let that word resonate exactly correctly in would-be diners' brains. But the name. Why all the hyphens? 'Fil' instead of 'Fill?' Why is the F not capitalized? And if it was a Canadian enterprise, would they have named it Chick-fil-Eh?
__________________________
*TBA, 16 December 2005

**This gives us an idea. How about if Taco Bell created something called the Burritito. We are thinking along the lines of a Cluster Bomb design. It would be a big burrito, but when the diner bites into it, it would fracture into multiple tiny burrititos (burrito bomblets) that parachute out of the larger burrito hull for an Xtreme[sic] Taste Sensation. It could be served in a camouflage wrapper.

***Award-winning, according to their website.

Like Love or Deuce, All Set sounds like a tennis situation. Welcome back to Wimbledon, where Connors and McEnroe are All Set. But it is not a part of that game as far as we know.
What it is is an overused catch-all phrase that everybody says constantly (including us) most likely without even knowing it or thinking about it. It is a meaningless thing people say in response to a nearly infinite set of circumstances. You hear it at restaurants, when waiters want to know if you have finished your meal, or when you have put money/credit card in the leatherette check folder. "Would you like fresh-ground pepper?" "No, thank you. I am All Set." You hear it at the conclusion of ordering something over the phone, or making an appointment or reservation. We have even heard it said at the conclusion of baiting a fish hook. "Here--you are All Set. Now, I will start a chum-line."
In the main, All Set implies either readiness or the completion of a task or activity. But can a waiter not say instead, "Shall I take the check?" or "Shall I clear the table?" Cannot the fishmonger cry "Let us ply the seas!" upon skewering the bait?
If All Set were to become a defined situation, distinguishable from say, Half Set, or Not Set, or even The Null Set (if we remember our Logic* correctly), then we would be more inclined to continue accepting it as part of the lexicon. If one could respond to the question, "Are you ready?" with, "No. I am quarter set. A moment longer, please," it would make all the difference in the world.
Barring this development, though, we are determined to exorcise this demon from our vocabulary. We urge all others to do the same.
______________
*We suddenly experienced a vivid echo of the past as soon as we typed this. We took a Logic course in college taught by this man. He was a splendidly odd person with an outsized, gangly body and a high voice. Sadly, he was not able to illuminate the mysteries of this impenetrable subject to us. We got a C+. But one day he walked into the classroom, put his things down on a desk, and laid down on the floor. He folded his hands on his chest, closed his eyes, and said not a word. We all stared at Professor Dusek and glanced around at each other for several minutes. Then he simply stood up, and began the day's lesson. Unforgettable!

A quick look at the official website of Superbowl XL shows that perhaps the biggest marketing bonanza of the millennium is still largely unknown. Or at least as yet un-broadcast.
The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.
Of course, the bonanza is the 'XL' in Superbowl XL. As in Extra Large. Or, perhaps Xtra Large. With this resounding opening salvo, we here at TBA enter the speculative realm of intellectual property. It is a shot fired across the bow of Corporate America; a warning that when TBA has an idea, it is time to hoist your jib sails and head for the wild blue yonder until the cows home.
Now that we've mixed and belabored some harmless metaphors, let us say that we hereby lay claim to all rights and responsibilities, whys and wherefores devolving from the concept of using the number of this year's Super Bowl (denoted by the Roman Numeral for 40), in any sort of marketing or product branding scheme.
This idea is good as gold, and every company in the land worth its widgets will likely start trying to cash in on it ASAP. We know also that these companies are as unscrupulous as they are daring. Thus, we officially call "dibs" on the whole concept. It is one of those rare occasions in life when we can truly say, and then publish for free on the Inter-net for all to see: We thought of it first.
The last consumer product giant (M&Ms)* to attempt to bring the Roman Numeral into the marketplace, failed miserably. But their weak effort at a coup in 2000 will not deter us. Too narrow in scope, and far too cerebral a concept for the American public, the "MM Means 2000" campaign was born of failure. By contrast, the Roman applications this year range deep and wide.
Eat your heart out, Generation XL: Xtra large pizzas, Big Gulps, Whoppers (we're thinking of a Whopper with the diameter of a dinner plate that is sliced and served like a pizza); XL free sample Viagra doses; X-tra large numbers of months without payments and/or interest; Xtra large FOX News graphics, advertising budgets**, savings on car insurance, scratch ticket payouts, numbers of free minutes, Dunkin Donuts coffees; XL Babyback Ribs from Chili's or Applebees (whichever place has the ribs); Extra Large SuperBowl pre-game ceremonies, gas bills; Xtra Large breast implants in Coors Light commercials, numbers of James Bond movies played on SpikeTV; definitely extra large Awsum Chipotle Cheez Burritos.
And let us not forget, Xtra large bundles of TBA resumes sent out to try and get a job actually making money with these visionary ideas.
______________
*Mars, Inc.
**30-second Super Bowl commercials are reportedly selling for $2.5 million.

TBA does not wish to become known as a clearing-house of sports grievances, but, we would like to take a moment to scrutinize the grid-iron attire worn by some of the teams represented in the NFL post-season this year. And we would like to direct readers interested in this subject to Uniwatch, a column writen by Paul Lukas for ESPN. Lukas is the Bob Woodward of this field. Our aim is simply to broach the subject and briefly offer our own observations.
This playoff crop presents us with a stark contrast in uniform styles. It will be our thesis that in this clothing contrast, we can divine valuable historical lessons that go far beyond simple fashion sense. Lessons such as: Stop The Expansion Of Sports Leagues, or, The Color Teal Does Not Instill People With A Killer Instinct Or Inspire Fear In Their Opponents, or even, How About Naming A Stadium After A Team Or A Place For A Change?
But, alas. The truth nowadays in all sports, not just football, is that nearly all are blind to these lessons. Teams must have as many uniform sets and/or combinations as possible. They can then sell more of a wider array of merchandise, and take pity on some evidently down on their luck designers whose previous job seems to have been asbestos abatement or some other equally unqualifying factor.
Have a look at the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They wear these brownish-gold-grayish pants with red stripes, and helmets of the same hideous hue. Who came up with this color? What is it? Look fans, here come your Bucs! Three cheers for the Red, White, and uh, Umber! The crowd goes wild! What was wrong with the Bucs’ old uniforms? They were classic and simple. The old "Bucco Bruce" logo was very smooth and even cunning. The new helmet design looks like an Iron Maiden album cover.
Witness the Jacksonville Jaguars. But be advised that this photo represents only one of the approximately 36 ensembles that the Jags don on any given Sunday. Do the fans up in the bleachers find themselves squinting down at the grid-iron asking, “Are we in the right place? Are those our Jags? Last week they wore white jerseys. The week before that, black. Now it seems they are wearing....teal”
Yes, the Jaguar jersey is teal. Things were teal in 1987, and for no good reason. When their kickoff team is on the field it looks like a fleet of Geo Storms. Rather than pick one of the countless shades of green or blue for their jerseys, the Jaguars decided to combine them all to form teal like they were in third grade art class.
The Seattle Seahawks actually use a fluorescent color in their uniform.
And, the coup de grâce. TBA did some growing up just outside of Cincinnati and remembers when the Bengals wore this uniform. We ask our readers: What is wrong with that? And we searchingly challenge them: Who among you think this is better? We are willing to bet that there are none. These things look like some carnival freak swallowed a bunch of Swatch watches and then vomited all over the set of early 90's after school television mainstay Saved By The Bell.
In closing, notice, in stark contrast to the offenders above, the garb of the other playoff contenders. Team like the Colts or the Bears. Their uniforms are tasteful and indeed even historical; one could watch a football game involving these teams with grandpa, and everybody would know they were watching the same team; they would all feel connected to the team and thus to the game itself. And forgive us for getting all misty-eyed, but, teams with the new styles of uniforms that we see above lack that resonance that connects generations and inspires us to share our memories with each other. This connection with the past is the best hope that sports, or anything else, for that matter, has for any kind of meaningful future.