21 December 2005
3. Backpacks with Wheels
We here at TBA take it on faith that if you are in the market for a backpack, it is because you intend to put things into it, sling it across your back, and be about your business. Students, hikers, and soldiers have all used this well-conceived, hands-free equipage for generations without hazard or ill-effect. Advances in the field, including light-weight fabrics, padding, and various belts and straps to distribute the weight of one’s load, have made for even better packs.
However, as is the case with so much else in our world, this is not enough anymore. It is now apparent that many people seek to put things into a backpack, extend a telescoping pull-handle, and tow the backpack away like a personal U-Haul trailer.
Let us be clear. We are not talking about suitcases here. What we are talking about is backpacks. A mass of fabric, stitched together to form a sack-structure, with straps attached that are then hoisted onto one’s shoulders and secured under the arms.
Have you, Mr. or Ms. Commuter, become so enfeebled or lazy by this modern life that you must pull your workday necessities, your committee meeting minutes, newspaper or magazine, your umbrella, and your sack lunch if you got up early enough to put one together, behind you like the chains of Jacob Marley? You will say that you cannot carry all of these things in your hands. Fine. But if you must put them into a backpack, can you not then strap this backpack to your back and pound it out like you mean it? Like you have some rememberance of life before your fall? You could at least derive some sense of physical accomplishment from your toils.
And do your children really need to tote around so much crap that it has to be towed? Have the impedimenta of the school-day become too heavy to sling back-wise like we did as a youngster?
You owe it to your children to not allow them to appear to be a flight attendant or businessman on a two-day junket to Minneapolis, or a part of the apparently lost pioneer colony waiting for the school bus near our house with their backpacks circled around them like Conestoga wagons.
However, as is the case with so much else in our world, this is not enough anymore. It is now apparent that many people seek to put things into a backpack, extend a telescoping pull-handle, and tow the backpack away like a personal U-Haul trailer.
Let us be clear. We are not talking about suitcases here. What we are talking about is backpacks. A mass of fabric, stitched together to form a sack-structure, with straps attached that are then hoisted onto one’s shoulders and secured under the arms.
Have you, Mr. or Ms. Commuter, become so enfeebled or lazy by this modern life that you must pull your workday necessities, your committee meeting minutes, newspaper or magazine, your umbrella, and your sack lunch if you got up early enough to put one together, behind you like the chains of Jacob Marley? You will say that you cannot carry all of these things in your hands. Fine. But if you must put them into a backpack, can you not then strap this backpack to your back and pound it out like you mean it? Like you have some rememberance of life before your fall? You could at least derive some sense of physical accomplishment from your toils.
And do your children really need to tote around so much crap that it has to be towed? Have the impedimenta of the school-day become too heavy to sling back-wise like we did as a youngster?
You owe it to your children to not allow them to appear to be a flight attendant or businessman on a two-day junket to Minneapolis, or a part of the apparently lost pioneer colony waiting for the school bus near our house with their backpacks circled around them like Conestoga wagons.
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The current holiday season has highlighted (at least for me) another development of significant concern (albeit not cheese or backpack related), worthy of investigation by those at TBA.
When one attempts to go to the mall, let's say to, uhh, christmas shop...one would think it is as simple as assembling a list of items for those you are shopping for...showing up at the mall, parking, and going about your shopping business with a happy christmas tune at the ready.
Not so.
Now, navigating the minefield that the mall has become is no simple task. Consider for a moment that the average mall likely has at least 6 cell phone salesmen that will just about tackle you as you walk by...they are around every corner it seems...and if this isn't enough to add unneeded challenge to holiday shopping...there are also others getting into the act. Such as...those who would try to sell you nail/cuticle products....or travel agents...hare krishnas...horrors! Not only do you now have to worry about crossing all the names off your list...you have to block and tackle. It seems that the novel concept of a store front...and a passive employee manning a cash register are a dying breed in the mall of today.
I wonder...what advice does TBA have for dealing with this added element in an already stressful holiday season.
When one attempts to go to the mall, let's say to, uhh, christmas shop...one would think it is as simple as assembling a list of items for those you are shopping for...showing up at the mall, parking, and going about your shopping business with a happy christmas tune at the ready.
Not so.
Now, navigating the minefield that the mall has become is no simple task. Consider for a moment that the average mall likely has at least 6 cell phone salesmen that will just about tackle you as you walk by...they are around every corner it seems...and if this isn't enough to add unneeded challenge to holiday shopping...there are also others getting into the act. Such as...those who would try to sell you nail/cuticle products....or travel agents...hare krishnas...horrors! Not only do you now have to worry about crossing all the names off your list...you have to block and tackle. It seems that the novel concept of a store front...and a passive employee manning a cash register are a dying breed in the mall of today.
I wonder...what advice does TBA have for dealing with this added element in an already stressful holiday season.
# posted by 
: 6:52 PM
: 6:52 PM
Dear anonymous:
Do you know what TBA hates about the mall (besides the things you point out)? Chipotle! Just kidding. We cannot stand when other shoppers form up into a phalanx of slow-walking, so that we cannot get by them, or get into Brookstone or The Gap or wherever. We cannot stand this.
Anyways, TBA suggests you go out and buy or rent A Charlie Brown Christmas. It is a wonderful film--we all should take it to heart when Charlie rails against the commercialization of Christmas. And most of all, be of good cheer. You are obviously a thinker. This is the biggest blessing of them all! It is incidentally also the gift the 4th Wise Man was supposed to bring to The Nativity, only he got on the wrong train and ended up in Vegas and invented the nickel slot machine instead.
Also, get the soundtrack to A CBC. The Vince Guaraldi music is outstanding and will instantly put you in good holiday spirit.
TBA would also point out that Charlie Brown's teacher's name is Mrs. Blockandtackle. Take what you will from this observation!
--HD
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Do you know what TBA hates about the mall (besides the things you point out)? Chipotle! Just kidding. We cannot stand when other shoppers form up into a phalanx of slow-walking, so that we cannot get by them, or get into Brookstone or The Gap or wherever. We cannot stand this.
Anyways, TBA suggests you go out and buy or rent A Charlie Brown Christmas. It is a wonderful film--we all should take it to heart when Charlie rails against the commercialization of Christmas. And most of all, be of good cheer. You are obviously a thinker. This is the biggest blessing of them all! It is incidentally also the gift the 4th Wise Man was supposed to bring to The Nativity, only he got on the wrong train and ended up in Vegas and invented the nickel slot machine instead.
Also, get the soundtrack to A CBC. The Vince Guaraldi music is outstanding and will instantly put you in good holiday spirit.
TBA would also point out that Charlie Brown's teacher's name is Mrs. Blockandtackle. Take what you will from this observation!
--HD
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